Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize