We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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