Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
