i would punch a child for taco bell
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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