...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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