happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
