Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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