at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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