Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
only if we run a train.
done.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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