My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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