is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
