is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
