Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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