So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
