He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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