Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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