Me. At least after what I've been through.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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