were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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