$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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