apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
