when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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