Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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