Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
