no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
