I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
