i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
