After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
