there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
