i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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