dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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