I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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