I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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