Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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