At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize