I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
