Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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