best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sorry about my life...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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