just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
