I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
