His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
