this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
