just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
