is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
