I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
