T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
