this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
