I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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