I skipped work to stalk him.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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