haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
