Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
