I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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