Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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