Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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