Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize