Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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