i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
