I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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