maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
