he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
