I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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