She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
