Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
