I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
