): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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