Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
