how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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