The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
