I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
