The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
