Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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