My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
40s are totally the cure
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize